Sex After Kids
EPISODE 24:
How to Reconnect as Partners, Reignite Intimacy & End the Roommate Phase With Vanessa & Xander Marin
In This Episode:
If you’ve ever felt like your partner turned into a roommate after kids, this conversation is for you. I am so excited to be joined by the one and only Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa is a licensed psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience in sex therapy, and Xander left his career at Google to focus on helping couples talk openly and honestly about sex and intimacy.
In this episode, we dive into the “roommate phase,” the bristle reaction, and what it really looks like to reconnect sexually after kids. Vanessa and Xander normalize the fact that every couple struggles with intimacy, from mismatched sex drives to communication breakdowns and share practical, realistic tools to help partners feel less alone and more connected.
They also explore how parenthood fundamentally changes relationships, why preparing for these shifts matters, and how understanding desire, communication, and pleasure can help couples move from feeling disconnected to truly reconnected.
Topics We Cover:
Why intimacy shifts for every couple, especially after kids
The “roommate phase” and how couples drift (and reconnect)
Preparing for how parenthood impacts your relationship and sex life
Mom mode → me mode → we mode, and why transition time matters after birth
Mental desire vs. physical arousal, including responsive desire
How to communicate needs and invite reconnection without rejection
Why sex shouldn’t feel like a chore—and how to rebuild real connection
Vanessa & Xander Marin
MORE ABOUT THIS EPISODES’S GUEST
Vanessa and Xander Marin are the voices behind VM Therapy, where their mission is to take the intimidation out of intimacy and help couples build both deeper connection and a more fulfilling sex life. Vanessa brings over 20 years of experience as a licensed psychotherapist and sex therapy expert, while Xander offers a grounded, everyday partner perspective shaped by over a decade of marriage. Together, they blend practical education with approachable, honest conversation to help couples feel more confident, curious, and connected in both their relationships and their bedrooms.
Their work focuses on bridging the gap between relationship dynamics and sexual satisfaction because real intimacy doesn’t begin “once you get naked,” but in the everyday moments that make up a couple’s life together. Through expert insights, step-by-step strategies, and a healthy dose of humor, Vanessa and Xander aim to empower listeners to transform anxiety into understanding, connection into passion, and confusion into clear action.
SHOW NOTES & LINKS
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Looking For Milestone Support?
If you’re looking for expert milestone support beyond the podcast, explore my collection of pediatric physical therapy–based masterclasses designed for parents of babies and toddlers. From tummy time and rolling to sitting, crawling, and walking, each class gives you clear, step-by-step guidance rooted in play and connection with no confusion, no endless Googling. These on-demand classes are packed with practical strategies to help your little one reach motor milestones with confidence, while giving you peace of mind that you’re supporting their development in the best way.